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last break ever

added another day. after I got back to Orlando and had my morning classes, I decided to take a last minute trip to South Florida to see my homies in Go Rydell, Fallen From The Sky and Protagonist and it was great. Rode down with Veronica, James and Lisa and saw a bunch of people at the show.  Things are going pretty ok right now.

This upcoming Thursday, I have an interview meeting with Jared, Kevin and Alex on what we could all do to improve Smartpunk. Who they just acquired.  Crazy world.

Hopefully tomorrow’s weather is nice xo

03:03 am, BY helloshawzy

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hmm

what do I do?  do I need to pick up a new trade?  I feel like I offer enough in this world to get some benefits along with it.  am I annoying?  do I bite?  is it his brown eyes (haha)

ok ok, maybe a bit on the pathetic end right now.  sometimes shit in life really leaves me wanting more answers, but a little afraid to ask why?  why am I in the situation I am?  dont I deserve better?

fuck it, I do and I will

update: threw up for the first time in 7 years yesterday.  sucked so much.  at least I had a few good friends help me get through that.

oh yea!  I recently got an internship at the Heart of Florida United Way.  so incredibly excited in hoping that this may somehow, someway help open doors to a more meaningful future.  here’s to that

01:55 am, BY helloshawzy

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the summer set is completely fucking ruined

"bad news never had good timing". mr mayer

not really sure how to start thing.  figured my buddy john had just about the right words.  it’s obvious from previous posts that things were going sour with miss never text back.  got quite possibly the shittiest phone call of my life thus far  (grateful) tonight.  any call that leaves someone crying and dead silence the majority of the time can’t be that good.

here I am, back to where I started and it just feels pretty crappy.  luckily, i’ve got some really cool friends that I know will help me through any rough time I need.

tonight also got me thinking, finally some decent mental stimulation.  things could be a lot worse.  I mean, everyone has their problems, but truthfully girl problems are just a minor detail in what we call life.  if I told my father the events that took place today, i’m sure he would respond simply with “it is what it is.” its true, when you know in your heart you did what you could to make a situation work and it ends up failing, there is no shame.  there is no time for pity, there is no time to relish the past.

dont get me wrong, this sucks.  but having a “this sucks” attitude will only get you so far.

lets just hope another miss genuine comes along a bit sooner

01:53 am, BY helloshawzy

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the places you have come to fear the most

first and foremost, its truthfully killing me on the inside whats been going on.  trying my best not to show it, but its has been getting to me late at night (and during the day), fuck it all the time.

i guess its just not the right time in our lives.  i do have a problem with being ignored though.  whatever, life goes on  and im good with that.  like i stated before though, i just hate starting over.  here i am, square 1.

naples was sorta fun this weekend.  im going to gainesville tomorrow after class with joe perri (awesome dude/photographer) to catch the dangerous summer show at the 1982 bar.  stoked on this, hopefully ill make it back to catch my wednesday morning class.

hey future, let me get a glance in there and see whats up.

02:17 am, BY helloshawzy

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wasting time

by four year strong is going to be amazing when I can hear it recorded.  today was interesting.  had another good day in downtown, had pb&j from panera bread and continued hanging with jj no text back.  went last minute to see four year strong at the social.

got kind of crummy news tonight with her.  do I continue or back off?  kind of sucks being in this position again.  shes 1 out of 50,000 and I always come across the other 49,999.

I really really don’t wanna continue starting over again.  here’s to me in the future with hopefully a grip on all of this.  I need to starting writing again.  I’m playing a few shows this weekend with Tanner / Trevor’s band You Blew It!  I’m actually really looking forward to it.  the style of music isn’t much that i’m used to but just jamming with such talented musicians is fun enough.  i’ll be in naples on saturday with them and staying the night over there.  again, here’s to me in the future getting a grip on that.

my grandpa gave me a CD while I was in Mass this past winter that helped him sleep.  he actually took the time to mail it to me and so far its 3 for 3.  I love him dearly

02:06 am, BY helloshawzy

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jersey shore night

and there’s a scene I will always replay..at the moment when my hand touched your face.

I could see your eyes turning away..but i’ve been standing my ground with you babe.

the semester started at UCF. my last and final semester I have in this whole learning thing.  I’ve been at it since I was 5 years old, now here I am in my last semster.  Enough of going on and on about that weird subject.  Things are ok.  My girl situation is weirdly at the best its been for a while.  Not saying I completely have things under control (which I dont),  but I am very happy with things.  I love spending time with her wherever it is.

playing a few shows with trevor and tanners band ‘You Blew It’ this upcoming weekend.  friday in orlando and saturday in tampa.  should be fun

03:58 am, BY helloshawzy

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SoCo/Jacks/Death Cab

Another great night.  I hung out with the JJNTxtB tonight at Jasons Deli and spent some time on the driveway listening to various songs on my ipod.  Definitely got a new respect for Death Cab, and of course I showed a few songs I thought she should listen to.  :)

Tomorrow is the last first day of class I will ever have.  Its really really really weird to think that.  Oh God, all the beginning years of  wearing your new shoes your mom bought you and reppin that new hair cut trying to impress people.  Having your awesome Spiderman lunch box.  Checking your schedules to see who had the same classes.  Unbelievable, tomorrow is it (hopefully if I dont fail

Still at the moment, I have no idea about my future.  Jobs?  Music?  People in it?  All I know is that I am doing what I can to enjoy it and hopefully make the best of it.

Time to get in the routine again.

OCD sucks

01:49 am, BY helloshawzy

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Back in Orlando

Finally back up here.  Had a great break and all of that.  Lots of great time with family mostly, saw some good friends as well.

Couple changes in my life.  Another medication change, but I feel like this is moving in the right direction.  It will take some adjusting and probably a few shitty nights, but its for the best.  Finally addressing my underlying problem, and hope that within a few weeks I can start feeling better overall.

After my terrific new years night / next morning, I am finally in the same city as her.  We will see how things go.  I know I am 100% taking this differently than how I have taken any situation with any girl in the past.  Shes just that different, and something I truly never thought would come along my way.  But it is definitely too early to tell.  We will see.

Kind of caught up with myself now.  My last semester at UCF starts next week.  Also, got a text from Robert at 12:51 saying he wants me to become the Music Editor and be responsible for all the artist we feature.  Woah.

02:41 am, BY helloshawzy

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2010

started out amazing.  more amazing than i ever ever ever could have figured.  i cant find a single song / amount of lyrics to equal what i am feeling right now.  its 6am, but i dont really care.  there is a really good chance i might have possibly had the best night of 2010 already.  lets see if i can beat it.  ive got 365 days to beat it…  bring it!

also, i promise to upload all of my photos from Massachusetts during my break this Winter/New Years.

06:07 am, BY helloshawzy

audio

I want to sing like this

Vision & Valor - Maybe I’m Crazy (RIP)

04:56 pm, BY helloshawzy